So there has been apparently some traction in the area of making Cowboy Bebop into a live-action flick. First announcement was that Fox Studios bought the rights and had a director, second announcement is that Keanu Reeves will take on the role of Spike Spiegel, mysterious man-of-action and partner to Jet Black.
This annoys me. On a number of levels.
First, let’s face it – they’re going to fuck it up. The chances of Fox taking on a movie like this and doing it any justice at all is so minimal as to be a statistical error.
Second, they put Reeves in as Spike. Now, if you look at pictures of Ted (Theodore) Logan and compare them to snaps of Spike, there is definitely a resemblance. Okay, I’ll give you that. But then there’s the fact that Keanu can’t fucking act. I realize that Spike isn’t the most emotive of characters, but let’s face it – he’s just a happy-go-lucky guy. Keanu acts woodenly because that’s all he’s got. Whoever they cast as Faye Valentine is going to have a helluva time carrying the movie on her tits.
I think one of the most terrifying things, however, are the Keanu-fanboy boards. I ran across one earlier today that spun the hell out of it and was trying very hard to give the impression that Reeves was actually in charge of and the driving force behind this project.
You know how this went down? Someone at Fox managed to get the rights and tossed the project at one of the directors in their stable. Director sat down with a writer and pitched ideas back and forth. Then they watched a few episodes to get an idea of what the fuck they were talking about. The writer passed the spliff to the director and said “y’know (koff koff), we should get Reeves for Spike (koff).” So the director calls up Reeves and offers him the role, to which Reeves responds, “Whoa. Yeah.”
$Diety save this project.